Bondage Reviews and Essays
by Pat Powers

When I'm not writing bondage erotica, my mind remains a cornucopia of miasmic frenzy where torrents of ideas and notions surge and dash like the floodwaters that swamped New Orleans -- only less muddy and generally less expensive to clean up after. Here, for absolutely no charge, you may read the articles, reviews and essays that spring forth from my mind like spring-loaded cats in a grade-B horror movie. Please, do not try to compensate me. The heartfelt thanks of a grateful world are more than enough for me.

Politically Sexy Updates

In addition to listing new articles on this site, I'll also list new updates to my blog, Politically Sexy, right here at the top of the index.

We post six days a week now. Check it out.

Angel Blade

We review this hentai series because it is the perfect thing to watch on TV while doing other stuff. This is NOT intended as an insult -- it's really hard to find something that fills that bill.

Bikini Chain Gang

This genial spoof of women in prison films gives up the bondage better than most actuial women in prison films, which is unusual for a Skinamax film. And of course it's all over the sex and nudity.

Bad Girls

I started my "Women in Prison" section because of the startup of the US women in prison series "Bad Girls" so I thought I should review the British women in prison series "Bad Girls" that it's based on. And add some thoughts on how the US version can avoid fucking up like the Brits did.

Against Their Wills

You know how I keep talking about Lifetime Channel women in prison movies? Well, this is one. And it has a couple of really strict bondage scenes. How about a straightjacket hogtie? Sure puts a couple of sexploitation women in prison movies I could name to shame.

Firsts In Bondage Revised

This week we're taking a break from Women in Prison films, fun though they are, with an extensively updated, added to and revised chart of Firsts in Bondage in Mainstream TV shows and movies. There will be much to nitpick about, and there are plenty of vidcaps. Enjoy!

Chained Heat 3000 and
Women in Prison Movies

A review of Chained Heat 3000, one of the if not the best women in prison movies ever made, an article on how to make the perfect women in prison movie, and an article on the reality of women in prison.

Return of the Loosie Awards

And this time it's personal! The Bad Bondage Hall of Shame is back in business. Here are 30 reviews snarking on really bad bondage scenes in mainstream TV and movies. Enjoy!

Wonder Woman on Playboy
Millions Riot!

Tiffany Fallon appears on the cover of the February 2008 issue of Playboy in a painted-on Wonder Woman suit and the anti-sex feminists go through the roof!

Bondage, Fetish and Adult Toy Superstore !
Slave Leia's Secret

Why are women showing by the dozens at science fiction cons dressed as Slave Leia? Why is Slave Leia showing up in the media 30 years after the film which made her famous first appeared?

I know. Now you will, too. Also, you'll get to see some major nakedness.

"Saving Grace's" Envelope-Ripping Bondage Scene

Holly Hunter. Nude. Bound. Fucked. On a non-premium cable TV series. Ain't life grand?

Also vik new comments option.
Wonder Woman's Bondage Secrets Revealed!

Wonder Woman is, of course, into bondage. But that's the extent of the "secrets" most sites reveal. In this in-depth article that's bigger than a lot of websites, we dig deeper. A LOT deeper. Includes illustrated history of Wonder Woman bondage.

Also with an illustrated hiistory of Wonder Woman's bondage, a look at Wonder Woman's competitors, and a script for a visit by Batman to Transformation Island. You'll LIKE Transformation Island.

Updated with new comments option.

Caged Fury

Another women in prison movie reviewed, and this one is full of nakedness and violence as Dirk the Human Wrecking Ball demolishes an evil prison facility. And then there's the evil lesbian warden Sybil Thorn. Fun will be had by all.

Time Served Reviewed

For July 13, Catherine Oxenberg covers up a murder committed by her son and winds up in a prison where she's forced to dance sexily for men. It starts off like a Lifetime women in prison flick and winds up a stripperific exploitation flick, featuring Catherine Oxenberg naked as well as some very talented strippers.

Chained Heat Reviewed

The progenitor of the modern women in prison flick features a luscious Linda Blair being lesbianically dommed by a smokin' hot Sybil Danning. What's not to like?

Under Lock and Key

Perhaps the nakedest women in prison film ever because it introduces the wonderful concept of in-cell nudity! Probably got it from the white slavery films. Good move.

I Put Up So I Don't Have To Shut Up

Read my women in prison themed short story "Doin' Time In the Blue Shadows" and tell me if I can walk the walk as well as talk the talk.

Prison World Review and Tour

Commercial bondage videos OUGHT to be my favorite genre of women in prison themed video stories. But they aren't, and Prison World is a perfect explanation of why not.

Tales of Lost Bikini Island

In which we launch a web comic. Because it's fun, that's why. In our first episode, Candy Michaels, wrassler and bondage model is welcomed to the island by Wonder Babe and her bitch Dorothy.

Did Helen Mirren Appear in the Roughie Western Hot Spur?

We think we have photographic evidence that she did. But then, we also think that robots are stealing our luggage. But this is probably more than the harebrained malarkey it looks like ... well, we'd like to think that.

Savage Sword of Conan

Conan is not into bondage, not by a long shot, but the world he lives in is ... VERY into bondage. And the incredibly well made Savage Sword of Conan series, newly issued in trade paperback by Dark Horse, makes it very clear.

Nurse Me

This hentai attempts to be a humorous story about a nurse in training whom EVERYONE wants to rape. Male, female, young, old, they all press their unwanted sexual advances on her virginal self. It's billed as a comedy, but it's not funny, which is ... a bit of a problem.

Why Is There No Naked or Half-Naked Women Dancing Channel On TV?

In which we seek an answer to this perplexing question.

A Little Bit O' Monica

This week, a 27,000 word short story. OK, that's more like a novella. It's about a young woman who figures out that cosplay can be an excuse to spend four days naked and crawling all over cute boys. Her costume ... Slavegirl Belinda, who makes Slave Leia look overdressed!

Pony Soldier, Funny Games & Pimpin' Da Bondage

In which we discover that Penny Edwards wore a REALLY tight bitgag in the 1952 film "Pony Soldier," leading us to some ruminations about whether or not modern actresses are "pimpin' da bondage" when promoting their movies.

First Panty Gag on TV

In our continuing coverage of firsts in bondage in mainstream media, we've updated our story on Law and Order: Special Victims Unit's achievement as having the first panty gag on mainstream TV. Not only that, the first nude panty gag. Now, that's dedication!

Testing the Limits

In our review of the Skinamax flick Testing the Limits we introduce the concepts of the Reluctant Sensitive Guy and Lurking Heavy Plot. On the bright side, Lorissa McComas gets bound and gagged and naked, though not all at once.

Flash Gordon Sneaks In A Great Gag Scene

The Flash Gordon TV series on the SciFi Channel is best known for not doing ANYTHING well. So, how did THIS scene happen?

Over the Wire Goes Over the Top

Does the Skinamax classic called "Over the Wire" contain the raunchiest bondage scene in mainstream films? YOU decide! (Female lead Griffin Drew seems to have liked it.)

(Featuring a page of gratuitous package display "for the ladies.")

The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik-Yaks

John Willie's Sweet Gwendoline hit the big screen in the guise of hottie Tawny Kitaen at her hottest, and the bondage was plentiful and good. But the writingand acting were ... not.

First Breather Gag

"Women's Murder Club," a TV series aimed at the crazy cat lady demographic presents the first breather gag seen on network TV. Way to go, crazy cat ladies!

Ancient Kink From 1934!

In a Golden Oldie review from Jollyroper days, we present "Roman Scandals of 1934," a black and white epic that features a nudie bondage layer cake in ancient Rome. We are not making this up!

Movies and TV Shows That SHOULDA Been Made

What if karma really worked? With so many missed opportunities and so much bad bondage, there are several movies and TV shows that WOULD exist, if only ...

Buffy The Vampire Slayer Swings and Misses

Buffy the Vampire Slayer's "Dead Things" episode had a beautiful shot to develop some real drama, or humor, and definitely some DiD action. Came right up to the gate ... and balked. We explain why and how.

Dangerously Attractive

Another review from Jollyroper days, "Dangerous Attraction," an erotic thriller that had a nice duct tape bondage scene -- but it promised, oh, so much more!

Wonder Woman's Bondage Competitors Expanded!

We tripled the number of examples of Wonder Woman's bondage competitors in last week's Wonder Woman article because, well, it's fun snarking on those old comics. Click on the pic to go to the index for the section, or click here to go right to the first new example.

They're Heeeeere ...

Hentai have finally begun to work their slimy tentacles into American mainstream media (and about time, we say!) as the ecchi "Eiken" invades the Encore Aciton cable channel.

Tis the Season!

Talk shows are breaking out in an unprecedented wave of bound and gagged scenes, including a nude bondage scene for Chelsea Handler! What the heck is going on around here?

First Shibari Bondage In A Mainstream Movie

Eurohottie Tina Aumont stars in the first-ever shibari bondage scene in a US mainstream movie in Lifespan, but it's not porn, it's SCIENCE dammit. Science! (Cue Thomas Dolby.)

First Joyrope In A Mainstream Movie

Elke Sommers wore a crotchrope and none was seen again in movies for four decades. Weird. Essay, R

First Bitgag In A U.S. TV Series

Tina Louise made a bit of television history before she got that role about the guy in the white hat on the island. Essay, R

23 Slightly More Bondage-Oriented Essays

I've been ill for awhile (bad cold, nothing more) but I've not been idle. Follow this link to a trove of 23 new essays. Illustrated? But of course! Essay, R

Bondage by Genre

"Bondage by Genre, 1-2-3/ It's as easy to learn as your A-B-Cs." Easier, actually, and a lot more fun. And a lot more illustrated.. Essay, R.

Terminal Stupidity

The creators of Terminal Virus, a Roger Corman sci-fi schlockfest, came up with what is undoubtedly one of the most brilliant sexual bondage scenarios I have ever encountered anywhere. Then ... they TOTALLY blew it. Review, R.

Smallville Goes Dental

Smallville," becomes the second network TV show to use a dental gag. Strangely, there' was nothing about this landmark event in the show's promos. Except of course for the clips. Essay. R.

How Not To Use A Sexy Robot Babe

"I Dream of Jeannie," "Bewitched" and a Skinimax series all have something in common -- guys who are total losers. Essay. R.

Why Is Kyle McLachlan's Father Auctioning the Spice Girls' Mothers?

We've got the photographic evidence that proves it, if you're not really picky about things like "evidence" and "logic." Essay. R.

Sisterhood Is Weird, Sometimes

In our review of the movie "Barbarian Queen," we discovered that the queen's little sister is the only really interesting character in the movie. Review. R.

No text only version available.

The Nudity of Nakedness

We examined thousands of pictures of naked, nude, half-naked and occasionally even clothed women to discover the nature of nakedness and nudity. Don't bother to thank us. The work was its own reward. Essay. R.

No text only version available.

Special Unit 2 Returns

The Sci-Fi Channel will be re-airing Special Unit 2, starting this Friday. In honor of its reappearance, we're presenting this piece we did when it was cancelled, pointing out how thongy the show was. Essay, PG.

Passion Network

Oh, sure, Skinamax films SEEM like safe, harmless fun -- until their plots turn needlessly complicated! Review. R.

No text only version available.

Exit To Eden

Dana Delaney's red-hottitude is mostly wasted in a mainstream bondage story from which most of the bondage has been removed. Review. R.

No text only version available.

Demonlover

Danish beauty Connie Nielson is a corporate spy who spies on a corporation whose Outward Bound program is more like Outward Bondage. Review. R.

No text only version available.

Warrior Queen

It's the movie that explains but does not excuse the Gor movies. Review. R.

No text only version available.

My "Regular Guy" Voice

It's not just what you say when you're talking about bondage, it's how you say it. Essay, R.

No text only version available.

Gimme An F

It's billed as a teen sex comedy, but it's nothing of the sort. It's a disquieting journey to a place where nothing is as it seems, a place where you hope for an F, but Og knows what you'll be getting ... Review, PG.

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Swallowtail Inn

This story about the fun, kinky approach to modern inn management is a great introduction to hentai for newcomers and also a great couples hentai. The gorgeous animation, strong characterization and plotting make it fun for all, in fact. Review, R.

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Value-Added Damsels In Distress

We start with an image of a woman bound and gagged. Then we add the secret miracle ingredient that makes it somehow more than an image of a wman bound and gagged -- captions. Humor, PG.

No text-only version available, as the captions would be meaningless ... well, even more meaningless ... without the pictures.

The History of Bondage Part I -- Origins

No one has ever written about the origin of bondage in human history, probably because of the near total lack of data to be found. This did not stop us. Article, PG.

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Princess 69 - The Dark Gymnastics

This adult anime is nasty, dirty and fun -- but not for beginners. It will try the tolerance of even the most hardened hentai fan. But it's worth it, with surprisingly strong characters and really well done animation and character design. Review, R.

Click on the title for the illustrated version, click here for text-only version.

Stealing Candy

A group of ex-cons get together for One Last Heist which involves kidnapping a beautiful movie star noted for her refusal to do nude scenes, with the intent of forcing her to do a nude scene for a lucrative Webcast. Would you believe things go awry? Review, R.

Click on the title for the illustrated version, click here for text-only version.

Dreaming of A Genie

A Skinamax parody of the 1960s TV series I Dream of Jeannie comes through with some mild bondage and generally horny fun. At last, Genie is allowed to serve her master in the way we always dreamed she would. Review, R.

Click on the title for the illustrated version, click here for text-only version.

An Immodest Proposal

A series of lawsuits wending their way through the court system seeks to determine whether or not and under what circumstances it's OK to alter a movie or TV program without permission. It's bluenoses vs. Hollywood directors, but you and I are the ones who will win either way, Essay, R.

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Flash Gordon in the 25th Century

The early 1980s TV series is now out on DVD and airing occasionally on the SciFi Channel. The "Planet of the Slavegirls" episode is particularly instructive, in a "don't let this happen to you" sort of way. Review, PG.

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Mouse Is In The House

This anime is aimed at teens -- horny male teens. Not that there's anything wrong with that! Review, PG.

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Gor the Movie ... the Review!

If you thought the movie Gor was about heroic fantasy and sexual bondage, think again! It's about heroic fantasy and silly hats. Really! Essay, PG.

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Blood Royale the Hentai

This is a terrible story, very badly told. It's almost too stupid for words. But we'll try ... Essay, R.

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Why All The Sexy Fun At Dragon Con?

An article examining why attendees at Dragoncon feel free to express themselves sexually. Essay, PG.

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Britney Spears: A Slave 4U

Britney Spears' announcement of virginity leads to some thoughts on the true reason for her celebrity: she's not that much of a singer, but she's a great sexual avatar. Essay, PG.

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Pornbodies

What is it that makes one woman become an accountant and another become a bondage model? Could the answer in part be that some women are born with -- pornbodies? Essay, R.

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The Necessity of Personality

In Imbalance of Power, we teasingly promised -- or obliquely threatened, as some call it -- to explain how you can make exciting, interesting movies that involve sexual power imbalances by focusing on character. Here's that explanation. Part of the Power Relationships series. Essay, R.

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A Picture Worth 1,000 Words

A little fun inspired by an image from the movie "Saving Silverman." Humor, G.

No text-only version, as the image is central to the humor.

Sign of the Cross Review

Our great grandparents, it turns out, were very naughty people. Essay, PG.

No text-only version.

Expendable Erotic Thrillers
and Other Genres

Today's movie genres don't make important distinctions between types of films, such as exploding-car versus non-exploding-car action movies. We're here to help. Humor, PG.

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Beware the Power of This Butt!

In which I discover that Bobbie Phillips' butt has more power than my entire brain put together. She also has a great rack and huge eyes. It's just not fair! Humor, PG.

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The Dildo Gag Scene

A Very Special Xena Bondage Remembrance

The funny thing about Damsel in Distress scenes is, they're not really for the wimpy femmes that the stereotype calls for. Action heroines work much better. Essay, R.

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Claudia Black Spreads 'Em Wide
On Farscape

Generally, if you're looking at a woman with her legs secured this far apart, from this angle, she's naked and you're watching bondage porn ... Some thoughts on futuristic bondage imagery. Part of the Futuristic Bondage series. Essay, R.

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From the Mild to the Wild

An episode of the series "Birds of Prey" shows how futuristic bondage SHOULDN'T be handled, and prompts more thoughts on the nature of futuristic bondage imagery. Part of the Futuristic Bondage series Essay, R.

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Jupiter's Darling: A Gorean Romance

Jupiter's Darling was one of a string of big-budget box office flops that bankrupted Paramount Studios. But it has much to teach us about portraying sexual relationships that involve power imbalances -- something they understood, back in the 50s. Part of the Power Relationships series. Essay, PG.

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Lackaballagagga

Images of women wearing kink suits are fairly common in movies and on TV, but the obvious accessory -- a ballgag -- is quite rare. What's up with that? Essay, R.

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A Sexy French Maid Fantasy

A sexy French maid fantasy pops up in an unexpected venue. Essay, R.

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Is That You, Grandma?

A circa-1920 photo demonstrates that our forebears were hip to bondage pleasures. Essay, R.

No text-only version.

Pushing The Thong Envelope

A defunct fantasy TV series REALLY pushed the envelope on thongs, and we were there to (literally) record it. Humor, R.

No text-only version available.

Mainstream Bondage Scenes
Reveal All!

Why bondage scenes in mainstream movies and television scenes (as opposed to the imagery of commercial bondage erotica) is fascinating and revealing. Essay, PG.

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The Limitations of Acting Bondage

There are some scenes even Meryl Streep couldn't act her way out of. Humor, PG.

No text-only version.

A Glamapolitan Beauty Secret

It seems there's a little-known secret to making a woman's face beautiful that's NEVER been revealed before! And WE got to to it first! Humor, and a very hard R rating.

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Lifetime's Missing Movies

The Lifetime Channel and the Lifetime Movie Network are always on the prowl for stories of victimized women and crazed men. So how did it miss these true-life stories? Humor, PG.

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Piercing the Secrets of Piercings

The nature and locations of a woman's piercings provide clues that will help an observant fellow create a successful strategy to score in the sack. Humor, R.

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Sapphire Girls Reviewed

Why the female lead of this film should receive an award for Best Use of Tits and Ass in a Raunchy Motion Picture. Humor, R.

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When In Rome ...

What if Law and Order: Special Victims Unit featured a time-travel episode or two? It might go something like this ... Humor, PG.

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The Testament of
J. Randolph Thrintwhistle

The horrors to be found lurking in cyberspace are truly such as to leave one gibbering in eldritch horror. Humor, G. Illustration, R.

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Warlords

This movie asks the question, how low can the exotic bellydancing slavegirl mythos go? And the answer is, pretty durned low. Humor, R.

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A Bondage Weekend

When soldiers go on wargame training, sometimes they need volunteers to play the cute females they might capture. Here's how the call for a volunteer might go ... Humor, PG.

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We Got Zingers!

A few tasty quotes from some of my favorite movie reviewers. Humor, PG.

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The Fish That Wouldn't Fly

A review of the movie "Act of Vengeance" in which we point out why it and several movies are so creepy, in an unintentional sort of way. Essay, R.

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Virtual Star 2000: Hentai Ahead?

A demo video of 3D animation technology from 1999 shows that the potential for 3D hentai is much closer than we thought.. Essay, PG, Illustration, R..

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Wheels of Fire

A movie whose major achievement is that it features the most-raped little sister ever in the history of B-movies. We'll leave it to you to judge whether or not that's a good thing. Humor, R.

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Ancient Bondage Babe

The pierced female figurine in bondage you see before you was used to cast ... love spells ... over 2,300 years ago in Egypt. .The more things change, the more they stay the same. Info, PG.

No text-only version.

What "Damsel in Distress"
Means to Me

An informal survey of a discussion group garners some interesting differences between non bondage fans and bondage fans. Info, PG.

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Back to the Fifties

In some U.S. states, in fact most of them, there was a window of time where it was legal to rape your wife, but you could get committed to an asylum for consensually tying her up during sex. Go figure. Info, R.

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Head Harnesses in Mainstream Movies and Television Shows

A review of "Fast Sofa" prompts some thoughts on this theme. There are so few scenes featuring head harnesses that we have most of them vidcapped in the article. Honest. Info, PG.

No text-only version.

Honor Thy Horny

Why sex and bondage don't get no respect in mainstream films and TV shows, and why commercial porn DOES respect them in ways the mainstream does not. Features the infamous Table of Horribleness. Info, R.

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The Trouble With Robobabes

An examination of the real-life technology issues involved in the building of mechanical women for sexual purposes, written as a public service so I won't have to watch Pinocchio ver. 5007.b118 in the future. There are some good stories to tell, if you have a clue. Here are several. Info, R.

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The Slavegirl Auction Scene

This staple of so many sword and sandal movies is almost always horribly mismanaged in mainstream scenes, as anyone who has ever read "Dancer of Gor" will know. Here's how it should be done. Info, R.

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The Canary Test

Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Just keep those damn censors away from ME! Essay, G.

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Janeane Garafolo:
Pony Girl In The Making?

Janeane Garafolo's observational humor, habit of wearing bondage-ish accessories and interest in body image leads to the usual wild speculation. Celebrity, R.

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Joan of Arkansas: The Meme

Susan MacDougal's frequent appearances in chains and cuffs may have had a few unintended consequences. Celebrity, R.

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Best Performance
In A Thong and Handcuffs

Television actress Alex Meneses takes a vacation in the land of soft-core bondage fun and really steams up the screen. Celebrity, R.

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Jennifer Connelly Hits One Out of the Park

Jennifer Connelly's recent Oscar win is a milestone for celebrity sex scenes in movies everywhere, even though the picture she won it for didn't have any hot sex scenes. Celebrity, R.

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Sandra Bullock of Gor

Staring at covers of old fantasy novels isn't generally considered a good way of finding evidence of time travel. Which is why no one does it. Except us. Celebrity, Humor, R.

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On Valentine's Day
Remember the Butt!

We're hoping you don't buy the extremely silly notion that the traditional image of the valentine heart comes from the human heart. There's a bit of anatomy that MUCH more closely resembles it. Essay, R.

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That Tinge of Blowjob

We take lipstick for tranted as a normal facial adornment nowadays. But can you imagine the effect it must have had for the first woman to color her lips labia red? Essay, R.

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