SLAVEGIRLS FROM BEYOND INFINITY!

Slavegirls From Beyond Infinity ... the name alone is evocative. The name suggests science fiction, naked slavegirls in bondage, sex and fun ... all the good things in life, really. The opening scene seems ready to deliver. A huge ship glides across the screen, it's surface the convoluted mass of bumps and lines and lights that has been de rigeur in spaceship design ever since Star Wars. Good. Then the scene jumps to two half-naked slavegirls chained in a dank holding cell deep within she spaceship. Even better. Maybe someone has finally figured out that combining sexual bondage themes with science fiction adventure could be a real box office success.

At left, Lana Clarkson lookin' slavegirly and fine.

Both slaves are chained by manacles on their wrists attached by thick steel chain links to a huge hasp mounted in a plate on the floor of their cell. One slave sits disconsolately on the floor. The other, the one with the really big mammaries, pulls desperately at her chain, struggling to free herself from bondage. She's clearly been at it for a long time, but her unquenchable desire for freedom keeps her at it. Eventually, she succeeds -- through her efforts, one of the links is pulled apart! Escape is at hand.

In the photo on the left, we have Brinke Stevens on the left, still chained to her ring, entreating Lana Clarkson to help her pull the staple that hold her chain down. I had no idea Brinke was that much taller than Lana.

The reason that this scene is a Hall of Shame entrant is clearly shown by the pictures above and at left. These pictures mean that viewers are required to believe three highly unlikely things if they want to accept the scene at face value. Because the slave's manacles are not around her wrists, but are pulled up almost to her elbows.

1. The interstellar slavers who are transporting these slavegirls do not even know enough to see that manacles fit tightly at the wrist. What's the point of the big, funky chains if you aren't going to make that last link work?
2. The slavegirl who has the determination to pull at the huge chain until it breaks could not be bothered to see if the manacles would slide off her wrists, even though she probably had to work pretty hard to keep them from falling off while standing with her hands at her side.
3. A culture with the resources to make interstellar spaceships makes steel that has the tensile strength of string cheese.

If they had just had the sense to make the manacles a tiny bit smaller, all of this disbelief-suspending would have been unnecessary. OK, you'd still have to buy cheese-like steel, but that would be it!

Oh, yeah, I am totally buying this. Not.

Otherwise, the film's a pretty good naked women in space flick. But that first scene puts Slavegirls firmly in our Hall of Shame and earns it a Loosie Award!

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