April Breneman screams her little heart out as she realizes she's become a loosie trooper -- like the song says:April Breneman screams her little heart out as she realizes she's become a loosie trooper -- like the song says:
Copyright 2008 by Pat Powers
Like Diane Bond in "House of 1,000 Dolls" April Breneman is a trooper, and this award is being given in recognition of a defining act that gives her status as a Loosie trooper.
The movie, "Shadow Dancer," is a film about a young couple whose work life is a tad exotic -- they both strip for a living. She strips at bachelor parties. He strips at bachelorette parties. It's equal opportunity lap dancing -- makes you proud to be an American.
The setup: Late in the movie, Yvonne (as played by April Breneman, who is not to be confused with Amy Brenneman, star of TV's "Judging Amy") is captured by the male stripteaser, who it turns out is a psychosexual nutcase. He ties her hands behind her back and gags her with a thin white cleave gag.. Then in a moment of truly depraved madness, he sits her on a stool bound and gagged and COOKS HER A MEAL OF BACON AND EGGS. Because he's in love with her in his own mad way, you know.
(Caution: this film contains close-up, explicit shots of bacon frying in its own grease and an egg being broken into a frying pan. May not be suitable for vegans.)
Well, as you can imagine, our Jolly Roper film researchers were looking for a drool scene, maybe because they were drooling a little bit themselves). A major drool scene. Gagged and presented with the sound, sight and smell of bacon and eggs sizzling in a frying pan -- it would be INSANE not to drool!
But she didn't drool, or at least if she did they cleaned her chin for her. Cluelessness, thy name art Hollywood.
No drool. We checked.
That's not even the part that makes this a Loosie award winner. While he's cooking up breakfast, he turns to her and asks her, "How do you like your eggs?" Well, with her mouth hardly blocked by that thin cleave gag, you figure she could manage a pretty clear, unequivocal "Scrambled" or "Sunny side up" or whatever. But she didn't. Instead, she pressed her lips together over the gag so that she could do some unintelligible mmmphing. And they had a nice closeup of her doing this, as if they wanted to make sure the audience understood what an effort she was making! THIS is why we have to give this film a Loosie Award! (See the opening shot to understand just how little the cleave gag filled her mouth.)
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Here April is, pressing her lips together to make sure her reply is nice and garbled.
"Over easy?" her captor says. "That's the way I like my eggs! We have so much in common!"
The intent of the scene, you see, was to show that the madman was so crazy that he talked to his gagged captive and then answered for her when she mmmphed back at him.
As she sits on the stool they close-up her bound wrists so that you can clearly see that it's a Loosie. They even show her doing some EXTREMELY unconvincing straining against her Loosie bonds.
Loosie! Loosie! Loosie!
Now why they used that thin cleave gag with no packing instead of a cleave gag with a nice big wad of packing, or even a thick cleave gag, or a tape gag or a ball gag -- all of which would have made for some plausible mmmphing -- is beyond us. But we know this: Brenneman is a Loosie TROOPER ladies and gentlemen! And the folks who required her to go beyond and above the call of DID duty deserve their Loosie Award!
By the way, the scene continues for a bit beyond the breakfast in bondage portion. While nutboy is watching the eggs cook (eggs cook fast, gotta keep an eye on 'em, y'know) Yvonne slides off her chair and stealthily opens the sliding door outside the kitchen, making a break for it, still bound and gagged. Nutboy notices her getting away and takes off after her.
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In the meantime, his stripper wife has discovered his little secret and shows up, revolver in hand. In short order, he's perforated, and Yvonne is pulled out of the pool and stripped naked and fondled relentlessly by the girlfriend, tied, gagged, wet and squirming.
(OK, that fondling part is not what happens -- but we like our version better.)
In any event, Shadow Dancer is a fine movie, filled with nakedness and sexual conduct, practically MST3Kable in its genial globular mammular joy. Don't take it too seriously and you'll be just fine.
Bound and gagged, April's swimming technique was at first limited to a simple drowning stroke. Later, April got the hang of bound and gagged swimming, especially the part about keeping her face out of the water.