Janeane Garofolo

Pony Girl In A Closet?

copyright 2005 by Pat Powers

I think Janeane Garafolo would look great in pony gear. Such gear must include a big bit gag, one of those tails that is held in place by a butt plug, and cuffs linking her arms together behind her back (or a nice single-sleeve).

I think Garofolo is funny, a very keen observational comedian, but her style of comedy makes her particularly well suited to pony girlhood. Her humor derives from a sharp sense of outrage at all the horrible things in the world around her. But all she experiences nowadays is what you might experience as a wealthy, popular, successful movie star. Not a lot of material there.

Being a pony girl would change all that, but it would help her with one of her major shticks, which is the objectification of women. Garafolo thinks Hollywood makes women into eye candy rather than portraying them as people. She's kinda got a point, but the fact is there have always been movies that made women into eye candy and there have always been movies that didn't, and there will be for the foreseeable future. It's not Hollywood, it's the audience.

Pony girlhood could help her with her problems. Nothing like being made to prance around naked with bells hanging from you nipples and a big bit gag in your mouth and a tail stuck in your butt to crank up the old outrage-meter. And nothing like sexually playing with being totally objectified to make the phenomenon less threatening.

I can see Garafolo standing onstage the next night, with that exasperated expression, saying, "Well, what can you say to the kind of guy who comes all over you and then wants you to lick it up? If I could bend that far over, I wouldn't be dating ANYBODY!"

I also think Janeane might actually LIKE being a pony girl. And it's not just because she's been known to wear bondage-like fashion accessories -- choke collars with lead rings where the cameo should be, big leather wristbands with chains running around them, that sort of thing -- but because of what she says about herself in her comedy routines.

She says she has self-esteem problems. Borrowing from Woody Allen, she says that she doesn't want any guy that would have her. Hmmm. Well, there's all sorts of reasons for becoming a pony persons, but one of them might just be the opportunity it offers to play with one's sense of self-esteem.

In fact, it's commonly offered that most submissives are actually people who feel powerful in real life, but who want a vacation from that power (and obviously, being a pony offers a vacation from power as well). I also suspect that some people enjoy submission (and ponyhood) because they don't feel worthy of the power they feel they have. (Whether they are worthy of it or not is another question entirely here -- it's how they feel that matters.)

So here's Janeane Garafalo talking about not being interested in any guy that'll have her. But what about a guy who'll HAVE her, if you know what I mean? Not in the sense of being her life partner and sensitive caring guy who will treat her with respect and adore her, but in the sense of her owner who will use her and force her to abjectly fulfill the duties of a pony girl?

Frankly, I think Janeane Garofolo would go for being a ponygirl big time. But I could be wrong. And I cherish that thought. Because it's thoughts like that which distinguish me from the guys who get restraining orders put on them.