The box office success of 300 and Gladiator has not gone unnoticed in Hollywood. Reports from various online sources (see listing) indicate that many new sword and sandal movies are in production, and at least one new sword and sandal TV series.

This has inspired me to create a special section on my site offering Hollywood writers, directors and wardrobe mistresses, who as usual are in dire need of free advice from me, lots of free if unsolicited advice. I'm here for them -- I'm just that kind of guy.

Hollywood needs help with the whole slavegirl topic because they have either ignored slavegirls completely (Gladiator) or fucked them up completely in dramatic and visual terms (The Arena). They really do need help.

There were NO recognizable slavegirls in Gladiator, just hordes of sweaty men, if you know what I mean. 300, the other film that has sparked the current sword and sandal revival, was basically a homoerotic fantasy whose only potential slavegirls were a bunch of writhing lesbians in Xerxes' harem -- for all we know, they were princesses on a toot.

There are many sword and sandal films where slavegirls are dressed pretty much like their owners, with nothing visually distinguishing them from free people. (This is historically accurate -- in ancient Rome it was once proposed that their slaves be forced to wear clothes that clearly identified them as such, but the notion was rejected on the grounds that it was dangerous for the slaves to know how much many more of them there were than free people.)

But the historical reality doesn't really matter. I'm not writing this for the rare filmmaker who wants to make historically accurate sword and sandal films. (And by rare, I mean, I don't know of ANY.)

I'm writing this section for the man (or woman) who wants to make movies about hot, hunky barbarians and the hottie barbarian women they associate with. (See opening photo.)

The particular aspect I'm focusing on is the hot, slinky slavegirls who offer an excellent, powerful opportunity to increase the hottitude factor of any sword and sandal epic without necessarily slowing down the action. I'll be looking at books , anime and comics that touch on this theme as well as movies.

I've already written articles on this topic, and I've reviewed Sword and Sandal movies as well, so this section will start out well populated.

The first new item for the section will be on "The waitress=slavegirl meme" and look at how John Norman's particular genius allowed him to come up with an original take on this topic over two decades ago. We'll follow up later with an article called "What Should A Slavegirl Look Like (In A Sword and Sandal Movie) which is designed to help filmmakers figure these things out. Believe me, they need all the help they can get.

And there will be more, much more, down the road.

Return to the Mighty Mainstream Index