How Not To Use A Sexy Robot Babe

In which we meet a man so low that he is unworthy of his sex toy.

A sad sight -- a robot sex slave whose programmng has gone so wrong that it doesn't even know how to line up Tab A and Slot B any more.

A couple of years ago, I read the plot precis of an episode of a Slinamax-style premium channel TV series called Thrills that really interested me. "Cyber Sex Exclusive" was about a magazine reporter doing a story about a female cyborg designed for sex. Sounded like a new take on the old male dominance fantasy.

I was pleased with the early progress of the episode, though given that it's a half hour per series, "early" means first five minutes or so. The male protagonist was a ladykiller and he was assigned the use of the lovely blonde sex robot for a week. Surely, I thought, we were up for some maledom/femsub sex at the very least. I mean, the robot babe was PROGRAMMED to do ANYTHING sexually that the guy might want. How could I lose? Especially when the robot sex slave started off calling her owner "master."

Stupid question, eh?

I got the first clue when the guiy refused to allow it to call him "master."

As the story progressed, the reporter seemed curiously uninterested in taking advantage of the great new sex toy he'd been given. In fact, he even set her to sexually serve a female friend at one point, but would not avail himself of her favors.

If you're sensing some major stupidity on the way, you're showing a deep understanding of Skinamax sexuality. The sex robot, programmed to sexually entice and satisfy the reporter, tries all it's sexy wiles, but nothing doing. Finally, the guy talks to his friend who enjoyed the robot's abilities, and she asks him what the trouble is.

The trouble, he informs her, is that there's no thrill in the conquest of RoboBabe because he can't stop thinking of the fact that she's already got all this sexiness programmed into her. The only way he could find her attractive enough to use as the sex toy she's designed to be would be for her to "forget" all her sex programming.

Kinda sickening, isn't it? But wait, it gets worse.

A vaguely disturbing image. A robot sex slave masturbates herself (and it appear, her owner) while he sleeps. This is so wrong on so many levels!

The episode's happy resolution was that RoboBabe overheard the conversation and so she dumped all her sexy programming and became the sexual naif he needed her to be. They got together for some bad Skinamax sex, and it ends happily ever after for RoboBabe and Reporter.

But not for me. Man, that ep was a sick piece of garbage. Lemme explain.

First of all, strictly on a guy level, it's hard to believe that any healthy guy, who's given a robot that looks and feels and smells exactly like a gorgeous blond, would fail to at least "take her out for a run." So the central plot point of the story made NO sense whatsoever.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part was that I recognized the plot. It was the same plot that they used in the TV series "Bewitched" and "I Dream of Jeannie."

In each of these shows, a guy has a relationship with a woman with superhuman powers -- in the case of "Bewitched," Samantha was a witch, In the case "I Dream of Jeannie," Jeannie was a genie. In Thrills, Christy is a RoboBabe, and her powers are sexual, rather than supernatural.

"Hey, I'm a powerful witch woman! Are you sure you want a piece of me? You want a piece of this? You want a slice of this? Hunh? Hunh?"

Darren did not want a piece of that.

None of that's disgusting. What's really disgusting is that in each case the guy in question can't handle the fact that the woman has super powers. Darren's terms for being Samantha's husband is that she not use her powers. As Jeannie's rescuer and MASTER, Tony refuses to allow Jeannie to use her powers. And reporter guy is unable to handle RoboBabe unless she dumps her sexual programming.

My first thought is, "What are these women doing putting up with these LOSERS!" Because you know what? If I were Jeannie's master, I'd tell her to use her magical powers to rustle me up a big mansion full of hard apple cider, steaks and potato chips, and to reward her for doing so, I'd let her suck my cock for a couple of days.

"I'm here to obey your EVERY command, master, no matter HOW depraved ... even if it takes WEEKS and WEEKS of raw, animal, carnal, lust-slaking, I'm READY, master!"

Major Tony was not ready.

And if I were Samantha's husband, I'd do the SAME DAMN THING! (It's a little known fact that until around 1970, "husband" and "master" were semantically identical terms.)

I wouldn't be threatened by my genie/wife/robot's powers, I'd enjoy them to the max, because my sense of being a worthwhile guy doesn't stem from depriving others of their powers or abilities. I've got a few of my own, thankyewverymuch.

Frankly, having a powerful woman who thinks you're the cat's meow and who wants to use all of her powers, magical, robotical AND sexual to make you happy ... that means you are one HELL of a guy. A superstud. No half-assed schlump is gonna be appealing to a woman with great powers and abilities.

And if you can't handle the affections of a powerful, capable babe without in some way crippling her, it means you are a fucking loser.

And Reporter Guy is the biggest fucking loser of the bunch, a bigger loser than Samantha's Darrin or Jeannie's Tony. He's got a mechanical sex slave with all the hot sex techniques known to man programmed into her, and instead of dumping her naked on a bed and trying out all her best programming, he's so afraid of not being the one who knows it all in bed that he has to turn off all her most powerful features before he can handle her.

His sense of sexual prowess is derived entirely from depriving his sex partner of any sexual prowess What a limp-dicked, pathetic excuse for a man!

And the most telling point about the Thrills ep is that it didn't even portray him as such. It presented Reporter Guy as a cool stud, far above a normal guy in hotness and sexual prowess. I'm sorry, Reporter Guy would have to grow at least two balls to even be in the running to be normal.

I've often said that the fun of watching bondage scenes in mainstream movies is that they give away more than their authors intend about their real attitudes. I think the author of this ep of Thrills turned out the story on autopilot, and unthinkingly revealed a lot more than he intended.