Sapphire Girls

Best Use of Tits And Ass In A Sexy Motion Picture

copyright 2005 by Pat Powers

Sapphire Girls is a film that, while it works as a mildly humorous sexy comedy caper movie, features the best use of tits and ass in a sexy softcore motion picture for this year, and possibly ... any year!

It's the story of a ditzy trio of female rocknrollers -- the titular Sapphire Girls -- who get involved in spying when they're recruited by a mysterious millionaire to go on a world tour.

Little do they know that their benefactor is in fact an Evil Overlord kinda guy, and their tour is just a ruse to achieve World Domination by getting various world leaders under the influence of a drug that renders its victims so prone to hypnotic suggestion that they become in effect slaves of whoever gives it to them.

While rehearsing their music (and, unknown to themselves, their roles as agents for drugging world leaders) the ditzes are recruited by a ditzy male spy, who's been assigned to keep an eye on Evil Overlord.

Well, as you can imagine, hijinks ensue. And if you think the details of the plot make any more sense than its bare outline, think again. We're in Skinamax country.

You'd think if they had the sense to have a Sapphire Girl dressed as a French Maid, they'd have the sense to have her TREATED like one, i.e., bound and gagged, like they did in The Naked Detective.

So here we have a bunch of scantily clad babes snooping around and spying on an Evil Overlord type. If this isn't a classic damsel in distress scenario, I don't know what is. Hell, one of the ditzes' stage costume is a French Maid outfit! There are super slavery drugs involved! Spying on evil captors by ditzy young female agents! You want to talk about coming right to the edge and not jumping.

Would it have KILLED them to have the bad guy catch female lead Mary Carey in the scene where she sneaks around the bad guys' mansion? Maybe tie her up in a parody of the classic DiD peril situation, in a way that lets Carey still make proper use of the, um, dramatic aspects of her body? Could they at least have parodied the old "henchman ties up the damsel" scene by having him A) Ridiculously overdo her bonds? or B) Get so carried away with the bondage that he and Carey spend all their time trying out different bondage techniques and materials? To wit:

Henchman: (eyeing a trussed-up Carey) "You know, the silk scarf gag just isn't working for me. Clashes with the leather ankle restraints something fierce."

Carey: mmph.

(Next scene)

Henchman: The ballgag is much better, but I don't think we've quite nailed it as far as the way you're tied. Seems liked the hogtie just doesn't display your figure to good effect."

Carey: (nods vigorously in agreement.)

(Next scene)

Henchman: The wrist-ankle tie is definitely working your figure well, but with your butt in the air like that, it just screams "joyrope!" don't you agree?

Carey: (wiggling butt enticingly) Mmph!


This sort of thing would have been completely in keeping with the ditzy nature of the plot, and would have added a certain kinky frisson to the proceedings.

However, this is definitely a Fielder's Choice situation -- Sapphire Girls works just fine on its own terms without any bondage scenes. It would work just fine with bondage scenes as well. I'd rather they included a few, but that's just me.

The thing that really makes Sapphire Girls work as a Skinamax film and the reason I really, really wish they had picked up on the many opportunities for DiD scenes offered by the plot is the tremendous performance by Mary Carey, the "lead" member of the female rock band.

Now, note that I used the term "performance" not "acting." That's because Carey engages in an unusual style of acting, one not usually recognized at the Academy Awards -- acting with her tits and ass.

But if there was an award for Best Performance by Tits and Ass, I think Carey would be a definite contender. And I'm not just talking about her sex scenes or her nude scenes. True, she's spectacular in those scenes, but then, most women with a spectacular body can generally manage to be spectacular in a nude scene or a sex scene.

Here we see Carey using her entire body to act. At top left, she acts excited while having sex. Moving clockwise, we see her bending over prettily after carrying a heavy object. Nex, the bends over prettily while conducting a search. Next, she does some lascivious poolside writhing during a tanning/discussion session, and finally we see some extreme bending during the search.

The thing that makes Carey's performance so spectacular is that her tits and ass constantly put in a spectacular performance, even in those scenes where her primarily duty is to stand around listening to other characters talk. She just stands around with a little half-smile on her lips, her eyes sparkling, her breasts thrusting forward and her ass thrusting backward, slightly moving as if unable to stand still from the pressure of her own carnality, and it's wonderful to watch.

To someone who has not watched a lot of Skinamax films this will perhaps not sound particularly spectacular. Is this not what Skinamax actresses typically do when they're "acting?"

Carey doesn't just work wth her body -- her face is very expressive, too. Maybe this is what raw acting talent looks like. Interestingly, though, every expression here is some kind of variant of a smile.

Well, it's what many of them TRY to do, but most do it badly. That's right, I'm saying that many Skinamax actresses are so bad at their craft that they cannot act even when using mostly a generously endowed body. They cannot make you believe they are happy sex bunnies within the context of the film. (Some Skinamax actresses are quite clearly women who hope their bodies and their willingness to do nudity and sex scenes will propel them to fame and fortune, but you never get any sense that they ARE sex bunnies, as you do with Carey.)

Now, I don't necessarily believe that Carey is a sex bunny in real life -- I frankly would not care to guess what sort of person she is in real life -- but she DOES have the ability to communicate the sense of herself as a sex bunny within her role, and that puts her head and tits above the crowd.

Actually, I haven't conveyed the full impact of Carey's performance. Carey acts her role in pretty much the same way a stripper would dance it. Her every move is a story about butts and legs and tits and shoulders and belly and bright eyes and shiny smiles. You sense that she is in her element.

Even when she's just lying by the pool mnding her own business, she gropes her own breast just to keep viewers interested. How many, many mainstream actresses could take a lesson here!.

Unlike most Skinamax actresses, you get the sense that Carey thinks she should be doing something visually interesting whenever the camera is focussed on her, and often when it isn't, even if it's just sticking her tits out and smiling. Granted, it helps that her breasts are so large they tend to stick themselves out, but her face is also a lot more animated that most Skinamax actress' face. It would be horrible overacting in most mainstream films, but in a Skinamax film with typically wooden performances, she really livens things up.

It's often a much more painful process to watch a Skinamax actress who's got some small amount of acting chops trying to carry a dramatic role, compared to watching Carey swim like a fish in a role made for her.

Like Velvet and Passion Network, Sapphire Girls is a film that succeeds on its own Skinamax terms, but which would have been a great vehicle for some bondage play. Take pretty much the same plot and the same characters, and rewrite the story so that the villains are constantly capturing and tying up and gagging the three Sapphire Girl band members (and let's not neglect any chances to give the dragon lady her comeuppance) and you have yourself a pretty darned good bondage film. And if you can get Mary Carey in the cast, jump at the chance.

Here Carey licks her breast while making love, thus allowing her exhausted partner to take a much-needed nap. How thoughtful !

And yes, there definitely SHOULD be an Academy Award for Best Performance with Tits and Ass. If you want excellence, you should reward it.