Apparently Hot Spur Never Made It
Into Helen Mirren's Resume

On the left, a damsel who's going to get thoroughly, um, distressed shortly, from Hot Spur.
On the right, a young Helen Mirren from
Age of Consent. Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a match!

Copyright 2008 by Pat Powers

The 1969 roughie Western Hot Spur was the product of a brief dimple in the US sexploitation movie marketplace. These were not hard-core porn films because they didn't show naked people having sex. But they were outside the mainstream because they showed nudity, and under the Hayes Code, nudity was verboten.

For many years, sexploitation filmmakers had been happily tootling along under the protection of the Hayes Code, secure in the knowledge that so long as their films contained nudity, they might not get distributed in theater chains, but people would buy them, and watch them, because that was all the porn there was in those days other than the hardcore stuff that showed up at smokers.

Another image of our really distressed damsel from Hot Spur. That is clearly Helen Mirren's back. I recognize it by the spine and the hips and stuff. Also, this image shows that the "roughies" were testing the bounds of sexual bondage imagery back in the 60s -- bounds that would be moved well back in the 70s.

Then the unthinkable happened. The Hayes Code was dismantled in the late 1960s, and suddenly pictures with nudity were showing in mainstream theaters.

This threatened the very core of their business model. What to do? What to do? The obvious thing: show explicit pictures of naked people having sex, was still outside the pale, putting them over in the porn trade where they could still be arrested and jailed.

Born of desperation, perhaps, the solution was found: if you could not show women naked, and you could not show explicit sex then maybe the thing to do was show naked women being raped (non-explicitly) and being beaten up.

Another scene of our damsel from Hot Spur. OK, that is almost certainly Helen Mirren's torso under that guy. Because of ... reasons.

Thus, the "roughies" were born. Their stories tended to feature rape, rape, rape and sometimes, more rape. A young boy witnesses the rape and murder of his sister. So he goes out and rapes other guys' sisters. Eventually, he gets killed. The end.

It's not much of a plot, but it does provide a framework whereby you can show plenty of rape and brutality.

Now the interesting thing about Hot Spur is the closeup at the top of the page. Look familiar? It's Helen Mirren! She was in EVERYTHING back in the 60s and 70s. I mean, she was in CALIGULA! And, apparently, Hot Spur.

On the left, our bound and gagged damsel from Hot Spur hangs helplessly while we ogle her breasts. On the right Helen Mirren vogues in the nude in the film Savage Messiah. Suspiciously similar breasts, eh? (Mirren's breasts are very well photographed here, while the damsel in Hot Spur is badly lit and posed.)

Mirren was definitely the go-to girl in Britain when they needed a talented actress who would doff her clothes and look good doing it. In fact, Mirren looked GREAT doing it, because along with a nice figure and face, she had an INCREDIBLE natural rack. I mean, Jeebus, ALL THAT TALENT that gets her roles long after movie roles dry up for most actresses, and she also has an INCREDIBLY nice rack. God must have been in a VERY good mood when he was handing out the talents, tits and ass the day Helen Mirren was born.

Mirren appeared naked as a teen coping with coming-of-age issues in Age of Consent (she was in her mid-20s at the time) she appeared naked in Savage Messiah, the film that did the best job of capturing her figure's beauty, she appeared naked and having sex in The Thief, The Cook, His Wife and Her Lover,she appeared naked in Caligula, and most recently she appeared naked in Calendar Girls, about some older British women who raise money for a worthy cause by posing naked for a calendar.

I point out these things because they establish that Mirren has no problem with getting naked and having sex onscreen, or to put it another way, Mirren is a hottie. In fact, she may be the hottest actress ever, by my particular definition of hottie.

Helen Mirren in her mid-20s in Age of Consent. Jeebus, she was HOT!

To me, a hottie is not defined simply by her looks. It's mostly a matter of attitude. To be a hottie, you have to LIKE being naked and sexy onscreen, you LOOK for roles that push the edge in those regards. Thus, I do not think Jessica Alba is all that much of a hottie. Yes, she's incredibly beautiful. But I've never gotten the sense that she wants to push the envelope on nudity and sex in any way whatsoever.

Jessica Alba, duct-tape gagged and showing a lot of skin from the waist up in Into the Blue. She's a trooper, but not a hottie.

She's done a lot of very nice damsel in distress scenes, like the recent one in Into the Blue but they haven't been all that sexy and haven't pushed the envelope at all. And while I would LOVE to revise my opinion of Alba as a hottie because she's done the best bound and gagged scene ever while wearing only a thong bikini, I'm not holding my breath.

Helen Mirren (left) Malcolm McDowell (center) and an actress to be named later get down for a naked threesome in Caligula. Mirren will do sex.

With Helen Mirren, I'd hold my breath. I figure the job offer for Hot Spur came about this way:

Mirren's Agent: We've got this offer from a small indie company to do something called a "roughie" with a working title of "Lukewarm Spur." The money's not much bit it's got its, um, compensations.

Helen Mirren: And what precisely would those compensations be?

Agent: Your character gets roughed up, stripped, tied up, gagged, pushed around and raped.

Mirren: Really? Sounds lovely. How much do I have to invest in the film to get the role?

Agent: No, no, there's no investment, in fact, they'll pay you. Not much, but there it is.

Mirren: I love acting.

Helen Mirren bound and gagged in Teaching Mrs. Tingle. She'll do bondage. She'll do nude. She'll do nude sex. All that isn't conjecture, it's part of her film history. So, is nude sexual bondage such a stretch? I think not.

But somehow, Ms. Mirren's appearance as naked, thoroughly tied up and raped damsel in distress in Hot Spur, never made it to her IMDB listing. Nor can I find any other reference to her as appearing in Hot Spur online. In fact, there's absolutely no evidence anywhere that I can find to support my contention that Helen Mirren played one of the bound damsels in Hot Spur other than the remarkable similarity between the actress' face and Mirren's.

Still, there's a definite similarity there.

Could it be that I have made a case based on mistaken identity, that it is mere coincidence that Mirren and the actress from Hot Spur have such similar faces?

I think we all know the answer to that one.

Comment on this review

Return to the Mmmphing Mainstream Index