The Angel Blade Series

A great series of hentai for people who like to watch television,
without paying too much attention to it.

Prepare for tons of kinky sex ... it's hentai time!

Copyright 2008 by Pat Powers

In my article on Why Are There No Naked Women (Or Even Half Naked Women) Dancing Programs On TV? I bemoaned the lack of television programming that a regular guy could put on in the background while doing other things, such as writing articles for blogs and websites and such.

I have found a hentai series that fills that niche and fills it nicely. It's called Angel Blade and consists of Angel Blade, Angel Blade: Return and Angel Blade: Punish.

Angel Blade starts out as the usual Magical Girl story: a Japanese girl attending a girls-only college has magical powers and must fight demons and suchlike. It's been a staple of hentai since La Blue Girl.

But the Japanese schoolgirl plot quickly fades into insignificance andAngel Blade becomes purely a matter of hot, super-powered babes with huge frickin hooters fighting with and being sexually molested by hot demonesses with huge frickin hooters.

Angel Blades and Demonesses with huge frickin' hooters and big booties battle it out. What's not to like?

Furthermore, the costumes on both the Angel Blades and the demonesses are pretty much decoration for their naked bodies. They don't just fail to hide their naughty bits, they EMPHASIZE their naughty bits.

Dark Mother in full regalia.

It seems there are a whole bunch of Angel Blade-oids and only one REAL Angel Blade who has the magical power to defeat the Dark Mother, head hottie of the demonesses. And she is a Japanese college girl who has NO idea that she's the REAL Angel Blade -- she just transforms into the Angel Blade, does her super fighting thing, and then transforms back into a puny schoolgirl with no powers. Also, she loses the enormous honkers and huge booty that she has as Angel Blade.

"My butt feels so big," says Angel Blade as we see this image of her butt. Looks fine to me. I'd spend more time worrying about the waistline, baby, which also looks fine, but unless you're a fashion model, a big butt is no problem so long as you have a nice waistline. Or just one smaller than your butt.

The Dark Mother is aided by various demonesses and demons and whatnot, all of whom have some magical powers like the non-real Angel Blades, but only the Dark Mother has the magical mojo to take on the Angel Blade. Dark Mother is also a chick with a dick when she transforms into such. She's also evil, so I suppose you could call her Dark Dick Mother, but that would be wrong on so many levels.

Both the demonesses and the Angel Blades fight with a combination of magic and swords. Sometimes the swords are magical. Most of the time, it's hard to tell what's magical and what's a dramatic sword stroke. But it's all good, because they fight pretty much stark naked and the artist has a way of emphasizing their butts and breasts as they fight. Knows his stuff, that artist.

A booty-licious Angel Blade-oid dodges magic rays and the artists' point of view somehow manages to be in just the right place to reveal the booty-liciousness of it all.

ALSO FROM PAT POWERS
So here's how it works: a non-real Angel Blade goes to Castle Evil where Dark Dick Mother lives, to fight against Dark Mother and/or her minions. The Angel Blade gets her ass magically and/or fencingly handed to her, and gets captured and sexually molested a whole lot by Dark Mother and/or her minions. So another Angel Blade-oid has to head off to rescue the first Angel Blade, fighting her way through the minions and whatnot as the first Angel Blade is ruthlessly molested. (Well, sometimes they let Ruth molest her.) Then the second Angel Blade gets her ass handed to her by the demons, and winds up being molested while the other captured Angle Blade-oid watches helplessly as she is of course chained to a wall or something.

Dark Mother goes up against an Angel Blade-oid who has been defeated in battle, nipple to nipple.

Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat, for about three hours.

We mean it. Rinse and repeat.

I'm sure there are other details of plotting and characterization in the Angel Blade series, but it just doesn't matter. The simple but ingenious plot structure of the series means you're going to see beautifully drawn, naked or half naked women either battling each other or molesting each other, or sometimes both at the same time, practically any time you look at the TV screen. You may think I used a lot of vidcaps in this article, but I only referenced about 1 episode and frankly, I left an awful lot of naked sexy stuff out.

And, OK, there's one nice touch where the Dark Mother and her minions essentially drive and Angel Blade-oid nuts with all the molestation and so forth, and she joins their side, though she's prone to stare into the distance and giggle a lot for no reason. But really, this isn't Miyazaki.

Anytime you look at the screen, something interesting is going on.

Although it's not Miyazaki, Angel Blade is a series that in its entirety is the perfect background material for working at your computer or building your replicas of famous fast food chains out of beer bottle caps or writing crank letters to you local media, or whatever. Because the Angel Blade series is long enough that you likely won't be seeing the same thing over and over again when you check out the TV screen, and pointless enough that the plot just doesn't matter, so you don't have to pay any attention to the story to enjoy the show, and most of all so full of naked molesting and naked fighting that you'll be rewarded whenever you look at the TV set.

Rewarded whenever you look at the set.

Just what I was looking for in a Naked Women Dancing TV Network, in short.

In the future, we'll have floating stocks that rotate. Now, that's progress!

Another important point: the artwork in Angel Blade is beautifully drawn, as the screen caps accompanying this article indicate. There are some hentai that are so badly done that they just aren't worth looking at, even when they portray naked women in sexual bondage. Angel Blade features topnotch artwork that is well above the standard for most hentai, hell, well above the standard for most anime, and of course knocks American toons right out of the park.

Also in the future, we'll have breasts that can defy gravity in ways never before thought possible. Well, future hentai.

Finally, and this might apply to just me as opposed to you, gentle readers, but toon porn doesn't have the same effect on me as live action porn. I don't find toon porn intensely interesting in the same way I find live action porn intensely interesting if you know what I mean, and I think you do. This means it really does function as background.

Somehow, I just don't find hentai imagery as distracting as imagery like this. Photo courtesy of our sponsor, Sex and Submission.

Now, I'm not going to pretend that the Angel Blade series has the sexual intensity of Princess 69 or character development of Behind Closed Doors or the general goodness of Swallowtail Inn but it's still a good hentai for the purposes I've described.

All of THOSE hentai, you see, have to be paid attention to in order to be enjoyed. Whereas Angel Blade can be enjoyed as a series of bits and pieces. It is visual snack food, meant to be consumed piecemeal in conjunction with other activities, instead of eaten whole like a non-piecemeal meal. It is what it is, and what it is, is very good and useful for those of us who like to watch TV without paying too much attention to it.

She'll sleep well tonight. And yeah, that yellow thing is lodged in her butt.

Comment on this article

Return to that crazy Essays Index page, man ...